Opening a Wounded Heart

Opening a Wounded Heart

I was reminded of my brother just the other day, and then I found this writing from a few years back:

A few hours ago I looked down at my phone to see confirmation for the movie tickets I'd ordered for my daughter Ellie and I. The date catches my eye... June 19, 2015. 

June 19, wow. Exactly a year ago my now ex-husband and I took Ellie to see the latest kid movie. As we came out of the theater I was oddly filled with a sense of dread and doom. Something very big was impending but I didn't know what. I couldn't shake the feeling. Scott and Ellie went to bed and I stayed up to explore what had come over me. I felt called to get a message to the man who raised me, Kurt. He had been deceased some years. It felt urgent. I called him in and began to stress to him that he go to his son (my younger brother Matthew). I had a deep knowing that Matt needed him. I pleaded that he go and stay with him.  I wasn't sure why all this was coming in now, as Matt had been lost in his addiction for many years. I thought perhaps it was just divine timing at play and my brother may be ready for some revelations about his drinking. And who better guide him than his father, who had the same struggle in his earthly form? I let that be that and went to sleep. 

The next morning as I pulled up to drop Ellie at summer camp the call came in. My mother was gasping for breathe on the other end. She couldn't get the words out. "Matt's dead" I blurted out. She was able to get out a yes. 

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Compliment or Criticism?

Compliment or Criticism?

We were checking out at the grocery store and the babies were crying in unison.  My nine year old, wishing to be helpful, goes to the end of checkout and starts bagging things coming down the line.  I'm semi nervous that the checker won't appreciate this and ask her to get out of the way.  But mostly I'm distracted trying to get my card processed and answering questions about if I'd like to donate to whatever the latest campaign is. "Yes", I can spare a dollar for hearts today.

Finally we are on our way.  As we walk to the car, I look at my daughter with appreciation and give her a "thanks for being helpful".  We get everyone buckled in and I begin to load the goods into the back. I check out the bags as I put them in one by one and notice that Ellie has put the sandwich buns in the same bag as the olive oil. Ohhh great, smooshed buns, ugh! As I push the cart into the corral I find myself preparing my lecture to her about how to properly bag groceries. And then I stop myself amidst my inner ramblings.

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10 Reasons Women Lose Their Desire for Sex

10 Reasons Women Lose Their Desire for Sex

Here are 10 of the most common reasons that women lose interest in having sex with their partners.

1. They don't feel valued. 

When we don't feel like our partner values us, resentment can easily build.  A person who feels taken for granted is not likely to feel warm and affectionate. A person who feels angry even less so. A common understanding of job satisfaction is that people are usually happiest at work when they feel appreciated and seen for what they contribute.  Relationships are the same. We are spectacular at showing appreciation and demonstrating our admiration for our partner when the relationship is new, but increasingly become complacent with this as time passes.  

2. They don't feel desirable. 

For many women, sexual desire hinges entirely on feeling desirable. In relationships where a woman has diminished sexual desire, the partner has usually done all that they can to show her how beautiful and sexy she is. Sadly, regardless of the fact that her partner is incredibly attracted to her, she does not feel attractive. If she doesn't believe that she is beautiful, if she doesn't believe she is sexy, then she is going to have a hard time enjoying physical affection with her partner. Allowing herself to really embody those qualities of BEING and FEELING beautiful, erotic, and sexy, is crucial for desire.

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Lost Desire

Lost Desire

I was getting my yearly exam when my doctor asked "What do I tell all these women who have lost their sexual desire?".  He explained that it is by far the most common complaint he hears.

So, how to address it? Well, anyone who works in sexual health understands that there is no pill, no well laid out treatment protocol. And anyone who has struggled with this problem knows that best of all! 

There is no way to overstate how many couples struggle with this. And sadly reawakening erotic desire does not usually come easily.  It is often a long, drawn out and tedious battle. A battle that some couples lose by either learning to live with it (miserably) or by splitting. 

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