I've had guys come into my practice wondering where the woman they met is. The woman who'd have sex anytime, anyplace, anyhow. Motherhood changes all that for most of us. Being free and being a parent are contradictory roles. Being a parent often means being anxious, on guard. Being a lover requires the ability to let go, be free, get lost in the senses.Read More
Remembering my first burlesque class always makes me laugh. A bunch of women getting together on a warm Saturday morning, each of us with our own reasons for being there. The open dance space where we were gathered had a sprawling wood floor and large mirror along one wall. We spent the first part of the day being introduced to the idea that with our bodies we could create elegant lines. We could entice. We could seduce. We could f* people with just our eyes alone, the teacher promised.Read More
Anorgasmia is exactly what it sounds like: a condition in which a person can not achieve orgasm. Though much more common in women, it can be a problem for men too. Many of us will experience anorgasmia at some point in our lives. Anorgasmia can be further classified as being primary, secondary, general and situational.
Primary anorgasmia is what we call it when a person has never had an orgasm. Women can especially have this problem because of cultural beliefs. Whereas boys are expected to masturbate and engage in self-exploration at puberty, girls are usually discouraged from touching themselves.Read More
Or at least probably not the love you are looking for. Recently a friend came to me distressed over a situation I’ve seen time and time again. She’d given her heart to someone. She loved him more than she’d ever loved. She was completely sure that this was her person. He told her he’d never loved anyone the way that he loved her. Everything was better and more profound. The conversation. The sex. The connection. They couldn’t go more than a day without talking. They tried. So many times they’d cut off the relationship, only to feel it was unbearable to be without contact.Read More
I was reminded of my brother just the other day, and then I found this writing from a few years back:
A few hours ago I looked down at my phone to see confirmation for the movie tickets I'd ordered for my daughter Ellie and I. The date catches my eye... June 19, 2015.
June 19, wow. Exactly a year ago my now ex-husband and I took Ellie to see the latest kid movie. As we came out of the theater I was oddly filled with a sense of dread and doom. Something very big was impending but I didn't know what. I couldn't shake the feeling. Scott and Ellie went to bed and I stayed up to explore what had come over me. I felt called to get a message to the man who raised me, Kurt. He had been deceased some years. It felt urgent. I called him in and began to stress to him that he go to his son (my younger brother Matthew). I had a deep knowing that Matt needed him. I pleaded that he go and stay with him. I wasn't sure why all this was coming in now, as Matt had been lost in his addiction for many years. I thought perhaps it was just divine timing at play and my brother may be ready for some revelations about his drinking. And who better guide him than his father, who had the same struggle in his earthly form? I let that be that and went to sleep.
The next morning as I pulled up to drop Ellie at summer camp the call came in. My mother was gasping for breathe on the other end. She couldn't get the words out. "Matt's dead" I blurted out. She was able to get out a yes.Read More
We were checking out at the grocery store and the babies were crying in unison. My nine year old, wishing to be helpful, goes to the end of checkout and starts bagging things coming down the line. I'm semi nervous that the checker won't appreciate this and ask her to get out of the way. But mostly I'm distracted trying to get my card processed and answering questions about if I'd like to donate to whatever the latest campaign is. "Yes", I can spare a dollar for hearts today.
Finally we are on our way. As we walk to the car, I look at my daughter with appreciation and give her a "thanks for being helpful". We get everyone buckled in and I begin to load the goods into the back. I check out the bags as I put them in one by one and notice that Ellie has put the sandwich buns in the same bag as the olive oil. Ohhh great, smooshed buns, ugh! As I push the cart into the corral I find myself preparing my lecture to her about how to properly bag groceries. And then I stop myself amidst my inner ramblings.Read More
Here are 10 of the most common reasons that women lose interest in having sex with their partners.
1. They don't feel valued.
When we don't feel like our partner values us, resentment can easily build. A person who feels taken for granted is not likely to feel warm and affectionate. A person who feels angry even less so. A common understanding of job satisfaction is that people are usually happiest at work when they feel appreciated and seen for what they contribute. Relationships are the same. We are spectacular at showing appreciation and demonstrating our admiration for our partner when the relationship is new, but increasingly become complacent with this as time passes.
2. They don't feel desirable.
For many women, sexual desire hinges entirely on feeling desirable. In relationships where a woman has diminished sexual desire, the partner has usually done all that they can to show her how beautiful and sexy she is. Sadly, regardless of the fact that her partner is incredibly attracted to her, she does not feel attractive. If she doesn't believe that she is beautiful, if she doesn't believe she is sexy, then she is going to have a hard time enjoying physical affection with her partner. Allowing herself to really embody those qualities of BEING and FEELING beautiful, erotic, and sexy, is crucial for desire.Read More